Some of you have noticed that I haven’t emailed or posted lately. I’ve been busy planning a new office. I didn’t know there was so much to this! May 1st, I will have an additional location in Birmingham, MI. I’ll still be in Plymouth probably through the summer and possibly fall.
I just wanted to give you a heads up so that if you are planning to see me and you have had a little bit of a distance to travel, I might be a little bit closer to you.
Hope to see you soon! And expect the writing to pick up again some time in May.
I recently celebrated my 11th anniversary with my husband and it got me thinking that most people think of a marriage or any important relationship) as a contract. Under the terms of the contract, both parties have certain pre-determined obligations (conscious and subconscious). If either party violates the contract, it is no longer binding and both parties are free to pursue other options.
A few people think about relationships differently. They think of a committed relationship as a covenant. This is a sacred agreement made with yourself and/or your God, and is ‘binding’ regardless of whether or not the other person decides to keep their half of the bargain.
This distinction points to one of the most common mistakes people make in their relationships – the assumption that they are only responsible for 50% of their relationship experience. There are two problems with this assumption:
1. People rarely choose to take responsibility for what they find to be the difficult 50%.
Some of us are happy to provide for our partners and leave it to them to take care of stuff like raising a family; others of us are only too willing to nurture our partners so long as we don’t have to worry about being the sole breadwinner of the family.
2. It presumes that there is only 100% of a pie to be shared.
What would happen to your most important relationships if you decided to make them 200%ers? A 200% relationship is one where both parties choose to take 100% responsibility for the success of the relationship. (Remember, taking responsibility has nothing to do with accepting)
This Week’s Challenge:
1. Choose one of your most important relationships to play with.
2. What do you imagine the relationship would be like as a 200%er – if both of you gave your all to making it the relationship work?
3. What would taking 100% responsibility feel, sound, and look like in this relationship to you?
4. How much responsibility are you currently taking for the success of this relationship (i.e. 50%, 75%, etc.)? What would you need to do to make it 100%?
5. If you do decide to go for 100%, you may want to share this idea with your significant other. Remember, even if they don’t want to play, you can still give 100% – and isn’t 150% better than what you’ve got now?
Many of the clients I coach come to me for procrastination issues. Most of them have a “push through it” mentality as well. The “push through” method makes it challenging for people to even begin, so let’s take a look at a tried and true method for breaking the pattern of procrastination.
Step One: Set a Deadline. If you don’t have a deadline, then you’ll keep putting your project off. Know what you need to accomplish and place the due date on your calendar. I always make the date at least two days longer than I anticipate it taking so that if an emergency arises, I won’t feel set back.
Step Two: Get an Accountability Buddy. If you’ve been a procrastinator, being accountable only to yourself hasn’t worked in the past, so don’t expect it to work for your current project either. Enlist a friend, spouse or coach to keep you going. Choose someone who can help motivate you in positive ways and not use “guilting” tactics. These never work.
Step Three: Set a Start Date. This is a very important step. By setting a start date you allows you to prepare. If there are supplies that you need or you need to enlist someone’s help in taking your children to dance class, then you can prepare to have the people and things you need in place. Part of this preparation can be to know exactly what the rewards will be by finishing the project.
Step Four: Set Boundaries. This will give you the space and uninterrupted time to work on your project peacefully. If you need to make a “do not disturb” sign, then do it. Don’t let interruptions get the best of you. Make sure everyone understands not to interrupt you. Avoid answering the phone and checking email. These are often time wasters and can push you into the old procrastination habit.
Step Five: Take Frequent Breaks. This is where many of my clients derail themselves. They think pushing through is the best method. It’s the most stressful method and usually makes room for lots and lots of mistakes. Many people are willing to work ridiculous hours at the expense of their lives. This only fuels procrastination for your next project. You’ll want to create a positive relationship to finishing projects by allowing yourself time to get away (even for 30 minutes) so that you can come back to your project with a fresh mind and fresh eyes.
Step Six: Celebrate Your Accomplishment. Take your accountability friend or spouse out to celebrate. It feels great to have that project in the past and will also help build a positive relationship with your friend, spouse and with accomplishing future projects.
If you want help with accomplishing your goals, an accountability buddy is essential. You can call on me to help you stay positive and to keep moving so that you end the procrastination habit and encourage the accomplishment habit.